Upside down

It has been a bit quiet on this blog lately. Christmas is always a busy time, and this year it was blow the top off busy (something to do with trying to make all my gifts). Once the new year rolled around, there was another project that had to get done, quickly, urgently, and the race continued.

Have you ever felt like you were sprinting, and despite the pain, relished in the fact that it will be over quickly, and then realizing that no – um, sorry – this is a marathon and it will not be over anytime soon.

Today, this very afternoon, I finally feel like I can catch my breath.

Layered on top of all that busy-ness, is my constant awareness of the sad state of the environment. The world is running out of water, is running out of arable land, running out of atmospheric space for carbon, running out of community, and is instead going to the mall to make it all seem okay. Everything is upside down. It is hard to look all around you and realize this, and stay happy.

Sometimes I want to crawl into a metaphorical bubble, with me and my kiddies and my husband and my family and just forget it all. I want to forget where we are, I want to forget about where we are heading, I just want to bury my head in the sand and not think about it anymore. It is so depressing. I want to go back to – before.

But here we are, here today, and there are pressing issues that need to be solved right now, right away. I feel so overwhelmed by my personal responsibilities of running a low footprint household, raising happy children, and maintaining other job responsibilities that there is just no time for other things. Like lately – this blog. Or even more importantly – pitching in to help get us to where we need to go.

If someone like me, who is so passionate about it, who lives and breathes it every day, all day, cannot find the time to get some stuff done – how will others do it? Maybe others don’t have kids, or maybe others don’t feel so overwhelmed and can manage it better…

It all has this greenie feeling a bit blue again.

I can’t even really listen to the news anymore. Oil sands, pipelines, Republican primaries – just listening to it drives me batty. Sometimes I just need to tune out. Sometimes I just want to go somewhere and pretend this is all not happening.

But I know I can’t.

Something inside me cries out. I know these issues are huge and powerful and scary. I know I am just one small person, already stretched so thin. But still…

I want to turn the whole thing upside down.

Love that song.


9 thoughts on “Upside down

  1. Occupational hazard! No, that’s not quite right. Being green isn’t an occupation, it’s a lifestyle, a worldview, and a vision all wrapped in one. Sorry to hear the greenie blues have gotten to you again. 😦

    • Yes they come and go. Hopefully soon, this too will pass. I see all these things I would like to be doing, but have no time, so then I walk around feeling guilty and all “what is the point anyway?”.

  2. These feelings of despair are what makes me want to go off the grid and live in this 130 sqare foot house at the lake:

    Next year we should hang out with each other while we make our Christmas gifts. The only problem is we both tend to make them en masse for all our recipients (you know, how we all got a pair of earrings from you and you all got an infinity scarf from me), so if we were going to do that, we’d have to get more creative with the things we plan on making for each other.

    This year I hope to get out to the lake more. I like being in nature. And something about being at the cabin forces you to live more simply. It’s weird — it’s practically the same as my actual house and has all the same amenities, but for some reason when I’m there, I feel like my daily life is greatly pared down. Instead of staring at my computer screen I find myself going for a walk or reading a book on the deck or working on a sewing project or baking a pie. Why is that? Whatever the reason, it’s what I need.

    And since I’m a freelancer now, I can freely skip off to the lake whenever I please. Will you come with me?

    • Yes, yes and yes! I have a plan to make gifts throughout the year, instead of all at once, as it was a bit nutty. Maybe we can sit together on the deck at the lake and create together! I also miss nature right now, I am not exposed much in the winter and fail to get outside as much as I should. I think without realizing it, this makes me sad. That is why I just love being at the lake too. Life slows down and you are immersed in nature and all is good.

      I looked at that website last week when you posted about it on FB and it looks really cool!

      • I started deciding what I’d make people in October, but of course left the actual MAKING of the gifts until, like, December 22nd. Actually, I was finishing Amy’s gift on Christmas Eve. Yeesh.

        Lately, I’ve been REALLY craving wilderness. I keep thinking about our cross-country trip and all of the camping and all of the beautiful things I saw. I tried googling around to find a remote, secluded winter cabin to rent for a couple of days but haven’t come up with anything. Everything’s a resort or a B&B, which isn’t really what I’m after. Eric says we should just go to mom and dad’s cabin and light a real fire in the fireplace, but I think we would still die of exposure for sure.

        • Do it! Just makes sure you have the firewood ready to go! That is how we used to heat the Baptiste cabin, there was nothing but the stove. Also – think of Laura Ingalls.

  3. It is depressing. And the longer we wait to act effectively, the less chance we have of mitigating the worst effects of climate change, and the bleaker the future looks. I’ve had to let go of the hope of making a big, real difference NOW because it just seemed so unrealistic. I still think that growing consciousness on a global scale is possible (but it will take time), and that it’s not too late to save some of the things that matter…and that humans are adaptable, and we’ll adapt to this, too, in one way or another. I think it does help for me to focus on what I can do in my own life and try to make those actions as political as I can. Kevin says it’s a Buddhist thing to try your best, yet not be too attached to the outcome. I’m trying, but it still breaks my heart a little.

    • Maybe I need to let go of being a big difference maker too. I don’t think I am ready yet. It is something I really want to do. It breaks my heart as well. I wish the world would just wake up already. The irrationality of it all drives me nuts.

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