Upside down

It has been a bit quiet on this blog lately. Christmas is always a busy time, and this year it was blow the top off busy (something to do with trying to make all my gifts). Once the new year rolled around, there was another project that had to get done, quickly, urgently, and the race continued.

Have you ever felt like you were sprinting, and despite the pain, relished in the fact that it will be over quickly, and then realizing that no – um, sorry – this is a marathon and it will not be over anytime soon.

Today, this very afternoon, I finally feel like I can catch my breath.

Layered on top of all that busy-ness, is my constant awareness of the sad state of the environment. The world is running out of water, is running out of arable land, running out of atmospheric space for carbon, running out of community, and is instead going to the mall to make it all seem okay. Everything is upside down. It is hard to look all around you and realize this, and stay happy.

Sometimes I want to crawl into a metaphorical bubble, with me and my kiddies and my husband and my family and just forget it all. I want to forget where we are, I want to forget about where we are heading, I just want to bury my head in the sand and not think about it anymore. It is so depressing. I want to go back to – before.

But here we are, here today, and there are pressing issues that need to be solved right now, right away. I feel so overwhelmed by my personal responsibilities of running a low footprint household, raising happy children, and maintaining other job responsibilities that there is just no time for other things. Like lately – this blog. Or even more importantly – pitching in to help get us to where we need to go.

If someone like me, who is so passionate about it, who lives and breathes it every day, all day, cannot find the time to get some stuff done – how will others do it? Maybe others don’t have kids, or maybe others don’t feel so overwhelmed and can manage it better…

It all has this greenie feeling a bit blue again.

I can’t even really listen to the news anymore. Oil sands, pipelines, Republican primaries – just listening to it drives me batty. Sometimes I just need to tune out. Sometimes I just want to go somewhere and pretend this is all not happening.

But I know I can’t.

Something inside me cries out. I know these issues are huge and powerful and scary. I know I am just one small person, already stretched so thin. But still…

I want to turn the whole thing upside down.

Love that song.